The Things We Say and Do
by ravemastaj
Summary: Well, to be short, this is my redo of Naruto. rated for: Yaoi, sex, innuendos, adult themes, Maybe a SasuxNaruxGaara threesome...most likely NaruxSasu, SasuxNaru...
1. Chapter 1

"It means that you..." Uzimaki Naruto could only listen in fear, waiting for Mizuki to go on. "Are the nine-tails demon...that killed Iruka's parents and destroyed the village."

Ch. 1---...And That's How He Snapped

He couldn't believe it. No, that was a lie. He _refused_ to believe it. But that doesn't mean he didn't know it was true. All his life, why the parents took his playmates away, why people stayed far away from him, refused to let him buy from their stores, (or were more or less disgruntled at his appearance). He, Uzimaki Naruto, was a demon.

"You were sealed up by the Hokage you admire and-" Somewhere far aware, he could hear a loud protest to this truth. He ignored it. "YOU HAVE BEEN LIED TO BY EVERYONE!" Naruto could only listen, his mind too shocked, and his body too numbed, to do anything to stop him.

"Didn't you find it odd how everyone hated you? IRUKA IS THE SAME! HE ACTUALLY HATES YOU!" And in this moment, when he couldn't take it anymore, he retreated into his mind, and found the thing that had shaped his life so..._misshapenly. _And he couldn't have done anything at that moment better, than he did then.

He didn't know how he got there, but here he was, in front of a cage. A cage with a seal on it, and a very indifferent being inside of it.

**"Hey, kid, do me a favor. Take off the seal to my cage, and I will give you more power than you can imagine!"**

The boy nodded slowly, and placed his hand upon the seal...and ripped it off. And the fox demon standing before him laughed, just before loosing itself from it's cage.

'Damnit, damnit, DAMNIT!' Screamed a voice in Naruto's mind, and all of his anger, hate, bitterness, strife, and all the other of the 7 circles of hell Naruto had already been in, focused themselves within his body. He had never felt so...good! So _powerful!_ So HELLBENT ON DESTROYING THIS MAN!

Words flashed upon his ears liken to water on a hot skillet. Taunts of "NOBODY WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU!" and "THAT SCROLL WAS USED TO SEAL YOU UP!"

But just before he could let all of his rage loose, fate would have it, that Iruka, the man that Mizuki had proclaimed as a hater of the Kyuubi vessel...saved the vessel's life.

"Why?" Iruka thought for a moment. Why, a question that had so much wonder in it, and yet so much confusion. "My..." Iruka started, "My parents...after they died...there was no one to compliment me...or acknowledge me...I was so sad...I would always act like an idiot to get peoples attention, since I wasn't able to do well in things like school and get attention that way. It was better than nothing, so I kept acting like an idiot. It was so painful..." Iruka lamented, tears falling from his face, "Yeah, Naruto, you must have been in a lot of pain too. I'm sorry Naruto, if I had done a better job, you wouldn't have had to feel like this."

Naruto had never been so moved in his life. Now it was payback time, against a lier, a thief, and someone who had just hurt his would-be father. He got up, acting as if to run, making a hand seal on the way.

"Hehehe, sorry, but-" He was cut off as over a thousand of clones manifested themselves within the glade. Kunais raised, pure unadulterated hatred glowing in their eyes, the clones attacked.

"Did you have to throw dozens of kunai at his lower regions?" Iruka questioned. "Yes. Yes I did. And I even did him a FAVOR, 'cuz what kinda man treats you like a friend, and then betrays you?" Naruto answered simply.

'Good point. Since when did he know what he was talking about?' Then Iruka remembered something. "Oh, yeah, Naruto," Naruto turned to his sensei, "I want to give you something. Close your eyes..." A few minutes of darkness passed, and then Naruto was told to open his eyes.

"A HEADBAND! YOU ROCK IRUKA SENSEI!" "Yeah, let's go out for some ramen!" "AWESOME!"

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Well, this chappys over. But, like, um, read the manga! Go to groups(dot)msn(dot)com(slash)narutomangareturns !

Alright, see yas!

DON'T FRIGGIN FORGET TO REVIEW!

Naruto:Or the Kyuubi will know...

Sasuke:Hows that?

Naruto:Oh, trust me and the author. The demon will know...

Sasuke:-sweatdrops-


	2. A day in the life

Omg. I didn't expect even 5 reviews. Rock on, ppls of the Universe! I'M SO HAPPY! I'm sorry it took so long, but my comp crashed in the middle of making this…I know, it's short, I was uninspired at the time…this story just came up with a life of it's own when I started to write, so excuse any OOCness.

He awoke, completely alone. Not that he minded, he was always alone, even in the crowds of people that surrounded him. It's not that he _disliked _being alone, in fact, the silence was very companionable. Even in the shower, the sound of falling water and the steamy air added to the majestic quiet. He looked in the mirror and fixed his hair in it's usual way, put on his normal shirt, and walked out the front door.

Even before the camped out fan girls turned to see the idol of all their fantasies, and shout his glorious name, he remembered the very good advice his brother had told him, so long ago… "If you want to live, never, ever, _ever, _go out the front door."

"SASUKE-KUN!" The name reverberated as the multitude of gathered hormonal women shouted in a disjointed chorus.

Damn it all to hell.

Chapter 2, Just one of those days…

Alright, where were we, hmm…Naru gets his picture taken, Konohamaru trips and falls on his face, Ebisu is being…himself…ah, here we are!

"Hey, Naruto! Let go of him! That's the 3rd Hokage-sama's grandson!"

"Go ahead and punch me!" Konohamaru stared defiantly into Naruto's eyes, thinking that the future Hokage was a wimp-ass like his tutor!

"DO YOU THINK I GIVE A DAMN, YOU MORON!" Said Naruto, swiftly punching Konahamaru upside the head.

"Sigh. Ebisu, get these two idiots out of here. And while your at it, bring in Iruka." The Hokage ordered, "Why are you still standing there? GET MOVING!" He ordered, yet again.

"Yes sir!"

A short while later…

"Um, you sent for me Hokage-sama." Iruka asked, standing in the door frame of the 3rd's office.

"Yes. I want to tell you something. It has to do with one of your pupils, Naruto. Well, more about…you know what."

"I understand. Go on."

"Have you been wondering why the Kyuubi hasn't taken over his body yet?"

Iruka pondered the question. It had been bugging him since yesterday. He couldn't understand why the Kyuubi, who had been sealed for a good 12 years, would hesitate on this opportunity to take revenge. "Yes. It's strange. Why would he sit in his container when the lid is open, so to speak?"

"There's a very good reason. I noticed when Ebisu dragged Naruto out, he still bore the seal on his skin. Therefore, he did not release the Kyuubi from his _body_. The Kyuubi's mind is free to take over only Naruto's body, but why do that? I think he's planning to use Naruto's jutsu to make his own body."

"But you just said that he's still sealed to his body! How can he leave Naruto if-" Iruka was interrupted by a wave of the Hokage's hand.

"You don't understand. Using the Bunshin jutsu means that their chakras remain linked, therefore allowing a chink in the cage big enough for the Kyuubi to go to another 'body'(1). This means, of course…"

"What?"

"We must keep a very close eye on Naruto. We have no idea when he'll create a clone, and the Kyuubi will inconspicuously disappear."

"I see."

"I need you to be the one to keep an eye on him."

"I'll watch over him as if he was my own son!"

"You do that anyway…" The 3rd mumbled to himself.

"No! All wrong! More slender! More beautiful!"

"How did you come up with this jutsu? Do you have gender issues?" Konohamaru curiously asked.

"Shutup! Just because I've been going out with a guy for the past year doesn't mean I'm gender confused!" Said the blonde, with all the fury of a rabid beast with a high pitched voice.

"Oh! You're the one all of Sasuke's fan girls have been talking about, aren't you? They want to kill you so bad…" Konohamaru slyly answered back.

"Really? They hate me that much?"

"Yup."

"Damn. Man, my life su-" Naruto was suddenly interrupted by…

"HELP ME DOBE! GET THESE GIRLS TO STOP CHASING ME!" A certain voice rang out, heading to the direction of the clearing.

Naruto sighed. Even after Sasuke announced to his fan girls that he was gay, they still followed him around, like envious puppies. Some even threw lube at him and tried to teach him what a _real _BJ felt like!

"Fine, but you owe me!"

"DAMNIT! FINE! I'LL TAKE YOU OUT ON A DATE!" Came the somewhat distraught voice of the raven haired sex god, who was currently in a tree hurling sharp objects at his legions of fan girls, who expertly caught them. Hey, after years of dodging and catching kunai, disarming the traps around his house, and killing the many, many vicious animals that lived on his property, these kunoichi had developed some mad skills.

"RAMEN?" shouted the blonde one from over the din of the fan community.

"DAMNIT! FINE! JUST DO SOMETHING! THEY'RE STARTING TO CLIMB THE TREE!"

"Yay!" Naruto did the hand sign for the Bunshin jutsu and…

"THERE YOU ARE! What are you doing hanging out with that weakling Naruto?" Ebisu piped in, coming from nowhere in particular. The sky, maybe? (Jounin are crafty buggers. I wouldn't put it past them.)

"KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" Rang out the dobe's voice. Hundreds of clones invaded the area, stunning the fan girls. Once they figured out who he was, though, their stunned expressions turned to anger. "CATCH ME IF YOU CAN, BITCHES!"

He was answered by a hail of shuriken, kunai, exploding notes, um…oh, yeah, a dead kitten! The sky turned black, and Konahamaru turned to one of the Narutos and said, "Hey, at least you're fighting in the shade!" (2)before running off with Ebisu to somewhere safe, where no girl could ever go…

A men's bathroom, of course!

Wait, back to Naruto…

Naruto deftly dodged the clumsily hurled projectiles, without much success(3). Many clones had to be sacrificed and thrown in front of him in order for him to make his escape, and to send his other clones in all directions. Sasuke easily spotted the original Naruto (Naruto was smart enough to make them all different from him, so that Sasuke could go his direction. Hey, he has a stroke of genius every now and again!) and followed quickly from the tree tops, going unnoticed by the hordes of angry teenage girls that were busy killing hundreds of clones every minute or so.

Before the fan girls managed to kill most, if not all of the clones, Naruto and Sasuke had retreated to the recesses of the Uchiha mansion, a dusty, yet somehow well kept and fashionable, place.

"I'm never, ever, _ever_ touching the front door again. I'll use a window from now on."

Now, read these notes, or you won't understand the first section…

(1) I'm going on the basis that when you create a Bunshin clone, that your chakra is split between you and it, and since the Kyuubi has a different chakra, he can 'leak' himself into it, therefore putting his life essence (chakra) into the new host. But, the seal makes him leave a small amount of chakra, an opening to his main chakra source, so that Naruto can still become the Kyuubi Naruto we all know and love. This works both ways, of course. Meaning the Kyuubi can steal Naruto's chakra for any given purpose, like trying not to look conspicuous! I bet your wondering why the Kyuubi would go through all that trouble to not hurt the stupid child…(no offence, I'm a Naruto fan too, but ya gotta face the facts of life…)

(2)An excerpt about a French war against the Britons, where the British arrows were so many, that they blocked out the sun. Somebody actually said what Konohamaru said.

(3)In other words, Naruto clumsily dodged a multitude of sharp, pointy objects. He's most likely hurt in some way, maybe. I'll decide later.

Naruto: HEY! YOUR MEAN!

Sasuke: No, he's not mean…fan girls are…

Naruto: Don't you mean crazy?

Sasuke: Hey, if the shoe fits…

REVIEW, AND BELIEVE!

Sasuke: See what I mean?

Author: I promise to make more story faster. Me likey thank people who reviewed me on my first chappie. YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION! -does the Armstrong pose, for those of you who have seen Fullmetal Alchemist-

Oh yea, and why Sasuke is so OOC…he was still sleepy, and now he's all distraught and his hair is messed up. That's bad karma, man.


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